Is it really because she is black?

Today I was on Facebook ,and I came across two articles that I just so happen to read. One of the articles was entitled “The worthless black woman” and “Why black men are NOT ATTRACTED to nappy haired Black Women“. These two articles had a major affect on me personally ,because I am a black man that dates a white woman. I have nothing against black women at all I just prefer to date white women. The articles both had trues in them from a black guys and black woman’s perspective about natural hair and how women are viewed. You can click on the articles if you wish to read them before reading this one.

As a black man growing up in this current society, I receive many looks from people when I go anywhere with my girlfriend. (Who is white, as I previously mentioned.) You would think people would be over these things by 2014, however, they are still prevalent. I do not only receive scolds from white people that do not approve, but also from other black men or women who do not approve. Some black people have the same problems with white people and interracial relationships as white people may have. I can understand why some people may feel a certain way about people and that is just how everything will always be. Many of my family, friends, and my friends’ parents always ask me “Why do you date or like white girls?” Some of them tell me they would NEVER date a white woman or let their child date someone of another race. On the other hand, some reward me for having a “Snow Bunny.” I asked them why would they not allow their child date a white girl and they always reply with they just will not or they do not have a reason at all. My mom never made a big deal about me dating a white girl or any other race, so I thought it was okay for me to date who I chose.

The only reason I’m not as attracted to women of color as I am other women, is because even if all I say is “Hello beauty, how are you?”, rather than a simple smile or nod and a gentle “I’m well”, they are quick to say some snide or snarky remark, full of attitude as though I’ve done some disservice and never should have asked. I have also been attracted to other races mainly white females. I’ve even gone so far as to say “my apologies, have I offended you somehow?”. The first thing they say, “I already got a man!”, or “leave me alone don’t nobody got time for… [insert tongue lashing long enough that I just walk away, while they’re demanding that I not walk away while they’re speaking]“.

I completely agree, a woman should be strong, she should be independent, but a real woman shows her strength through the life and legacy she fulfills, her actions speak volumes and cry to the world “I am God’s greatest gift”. Not through the backlash of shutting a man down when he genuinely cares for the female he addresses.As if these setbacks weren’t enough, I get this a lot as well, “I don’t date/like black men”, or “I only like white men”, and if ever I ask them why, it’s either insults, stereotypes of “niggas”, or a bad past and/or past experiences. Majority of the time it’s the stereotypically inclined reasons.

When I was in middle school, I was dating a white girl. We would hug before classes and in the morning sometimes. One morning my teacher saw me hug this girl and she made the situation a much bigger deal than it had to be. She made my parents come to school and have a conference about it. She just talked about how she did not want me to get in trouble because I was messing with them. She thought I would get in trouble because of how white women are known to falsely accuse a black man of doing something to them. My mom did not make a big deal about it, but my dad did not like that I talked to a white girl. He had the same mind set that my teacher had about me getting in trouble. The ironic thing was is that she had a white husband. If this was a black girl would my teacher even have cared?  NO.

Black men degrade black women everyday. They say that they emasculate them, they are always angry, and they always want to be independent. They think white women are better because they are more submissive. Some of these things are true, but it could just be because of the culture that black women grown up in. They may not be taught or do not see older black women being submissive. They will only do what they see. Some grow up with a submissive mom and some do not. All of them are not the same. Black men have a false pretense of the black woman that they want because of what they     see on TV and just on social media all together. We look for a woman that is a “dime that’s top of the line, cute face, slim waist and a big behind” in the words of the Ying Yang Twins. We also may think that other races are better than black women. It is looked up in our society to have a foreign girl because for some reason that I do not know. Maybe it is the hair? The fact that we degrade black women and then from what they see on social media can make any woman have their guards up and think less of the themselves. That is why most black girls are always talking about they want a bigger butt or something of that sort.

Most of the women I know watch Love and Hip Hop, Housewives of ___, and/or Bad Girls Club. Even parents that have girls under ten are letting them watch this show. They are possibly learning that drama is good and being a gold digger is accepted in our society. There are not any shows that really show how it is good to be an independent woman. If there were, they probably would not maintain the ratings to stay on air because there might be a lack of drama. Some girls only got to be where they are because of features they were not even born with. Men also watch this show and want women like this. Even though their bodies are a sight to see, those women mostly are not good for anything other than having them on your arm to walk around with and sex.

You are not going to find the women that are truly worth having in the local club every weekend, on Love and Hip Hop, or pictured on social media drinking and smoking. Men look for these type of women not because they want to find a wife. They look because they are trying to find a woman that they can have sex with a couple times and forget about. Those are the type of girls that if you are an average guy they will not give their number to you but if you are popping bottles and throwing money they will come to you and give you their number. Some black women are always talking about “All of the good black men are either taken by white women or gay,” but are look to thugs when they are searching for a partner. When they get a good man they do not appreciate him because he is boring or she feels that he can not “protect” her. Whatever that means. Men are not the total problem.  Women can not look for the thug type or the dude throwing money in the club to be a good man.

Black men always wonder why they attract the type of women that they do and it is not because of your skin color, it is because of you. When you did not graduate from high school, sell drugs on the corner everyday, smoke weed, and drink every weekend you are going to attract the same kind of woman. This goes for women also. If you are sleeping around with many different men and smoking/drinking constantly, you should not even have the thought of attracting a good man.

In conclusion, it is not because she is black it is because of the value we put on foreign girl and these girls on TV. We just need to get better as a race and not look for excuses for why black men and black women are bad.Black women can be prideful and have self respect about themselves without being mentally sensitive to everything someone says about you. I feel that is perfectly fine to date outside your race and I encourage it. If you have certain feels about someone you should be able to date them. I am a strongly believe in the cosmic race. I also feel that people should not feel they way they do about dating outside of your race even though I know this will never change. Their are also other things that black people could focus on more as a community.

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3 Responses to Is it really because she is black?

  1. Very good and thoughtful piece, Asante! You have the right to date who you please, and I applaud you for not allowing anyone to determine who you can and cannot date. Continue to be yourself.


  2. And you know how I feel about this piece. We are all human beings that like different shapes, sizes and colors. Bad thing is we get judged on being human beings. I don’t care who my kids are with or end up marrying as long as they are treated with respect and honesty and love them unconditionally. My daughter has good days and bad but in the end she is respected like she should be.


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